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DR 1: Children are personally and socially competent
⇣ Indicator: SOC—Children demonstrate effective social and interpersonal skills
⇣ Measure 9: Conflict Negotiation—
Child learns how to understand the needs of other children and to negotiate constructively within the constraints of social rules and values
	Descriptors	Examples
7	Suggests simple solutions based on classroom rules	When a conflict arises about the slide, suggests, “Only one person on the slide at a time.” When adult assigns jobs, reminds others that Tommy is the line leader.
6	Expresses own needs and desires about a conflict and suggests simple solutions based mainly on own needs	“I need a turn on the trike. Let me use it.” “I want to play on the computer. When will it be my turn?” When he wants to play a game for four children and all the spots are taken, will signal or ask another child if he can take his place. Communicates, “I am playing with that truck. You can play with those cars.”
5	Starts to use appropriate words and actions to express own desire and, when needed, seeks adult help to resolve a conflict	Seeks out adult and indicates that another child won’t give her a turn on the trike. Says or indicates to adult, “He is on my rug.” When child wants to play with trucks and all the trucks are being played with, asks other children if she can have a truck.When this does not work, will go to adult and indicate that she needs a truck. Communicates, “I am playing with that dinosaur. You can’t have it.”
4	Responds to adult guidance in negotiating conflict	Wants another child’s toy, but accepts a different toy that an adult offers. Cries when a child is too close but quiets down when adult suggests a different seating arrangement. Child scoots over at the suggestion of the adult.
3	Asserts self, using facial expressions, words, or actions in conflict situations, but needs adult to resolve conflict	Child expresses that she wants another child’s trike. She needs adult redirection so she does not try to take it. When another child tries to take a toy, he pulls the toy back or protests, needing adult to resolve the conflict. Needs adult to offer a way to join other children playing with puppets without disturbing them.
0	Not yet

Measure 9 — SOC 6

Conflict Negotiation

Child learns how to understand the needs of other children and to negotiate constructively within the constraints of social rules and values

At birth, infants are self-centered beings who are only aware of their own immediate needs, wants, feelings, and moods. As their motor skills develop, toddlers become mobile and actively pursue what they want, still mostly unaware of the feelings of those around them. As language develops, children begin to listen to others and become able to express their own needs. Older preschoolers are beginning to internalize social rules and control their own behavior by conforming to those rules. It takes until the end of the preschool years and even beyond, however, for children to fully appreciate that others are individuals with their own desires, feelings, and rights.

Infants’ perceptions of themselves and others center on getting their own needs met. At first reflexively and later on with purpose, they use vocalizations and body language to move adults to meet their needs, with no notion of the adult’s own needs at that moment.

Although toddlers have a beginning understanding that their behaviors affect other people, they are not developmentally able to understand that others have feelings or rights. They appear to work on the theory that “What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine if I want it.” They view the world as theirs to explore and manipulate. When they see a toy they want, they are likely to take it, whether it is on the ground or in another child’s hands. If another child tries to take what they are using, they may assert themselves by yelling “Stop,” “Mine,” or by pushing the other child away. Until they develop the capacity to understand that others are individuals in their own right, they will need considerable adult supervision and support to balance their own desires with the desires of others.

Young preschoolers respond to adult suggestions and redirection. They learn to use assertive language to replace grabbing, taking, and pushing. Instead of grabbing, they may use appropriate words such as “I want a turn,” “Go get another one” or “This is mine.” While they may be less inclined to use physical force to get what they want, young children are still rather self-centered. Young preschoolers still need a great deal of adult guidance to help them resolve conflicts in a way that meets the needs of everyone involved.

Older preschoolers are internalizing the rules and standards of the significant adults in their lives, and they are beginning to understand the rights of others. If adults have modeled and taught strategies and language for solving problems and resolving conflicts, older preschoolers will use language to express their needs and will suggest solutions to conflicts. Preschoolers often still need adult help with conflict resolution, however, since preschoolers tend to suggest solutions based primarily on their own needs or desires. Toward the end of the preschool years, children begin to become very insistent about rules. Children may remind others of classroom rules, such as “No pushing;” or they may tell others to stand in line to wait for a turn.

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